Friday, August 22, 2008

Like … you know.

Can I share something with you? There are a few things that my fellow English-speaking humans do that make me annoyed.
Not running-amok-in-a-murderous-rage annoyed, just enough to make me cringe. I’m going to share these pet peeves with you. But not all of them. Today, I’m only speaking of grammatical errors.

Anyone with a modicum of education knows what I mean. These are common mistakes in the English language. Mistakes about which you should know better. I can’t help but wonder, whenever I see these misspellings or hear these mispronunciations, about what else that person may be ignorant. I’m sorry; I can’t help it. Your manner of speech says a great deal about you.

1. A lot – These are two words people. Stop running them together as one word. “Alot" is not a word; it doesn’t mean anything. My computer just now kept correcting my spelling, and I had to manually shut off the auto-correction. My mother, who was a high-school English teacher for years, used to see these misspelled words so often, she banned them. She’d tell her students “I don’t want to see the words ‘a lot’ unless you’re writing about a piece of land.

2. Often – This is one of those words that seems to defy the rules of grammar. It is pronounced “aw’fen,” not “awf’ten.” The T is silent. Always. Do you say “lis’ten” for listen? Do you say “fas’ten?” No, and you don’t pronounce this T either.

3. Cents – When I receive change back from a cashier, there are usually some cents involved. Unless I only get back one penny, please say “cents.” All too often (silent T) I hear, as she’s putting it in my palm, “That’s 3 dollars and 42 cent.” Some may say that this is a regional thing, and I should lighten up. I don’t care, it sounds idiotic. If there are more than one, then they are plural, not singular.

4. Ask – The next time I hear someone say “I want to axe you about something,’ I’ll assume they have a beef with me and mean me bodily harm. I’ll start running for the hills, dialing 911 all the way. “Axe” and “ask” are two completely different words, that mean completely different things. They are not interchangeable. It isn’t any more difficult to say “ask” than it is to say “axe.” It’s not any shorter. I just don’t get it.

5. Suite – As an Interior Designer, I use this word a lot (two words.) Sadly though, I also hear it use frequently by furniture salesmen and the like. All too often (silent T) I hear it pronounced as “suit,” like a men’s suit by Armani. It is pronounced like “sweet.” It means a collection of like items. It can also be used in conjunction with music. For instance the ballet is called “The Nutcracker,” while a recording of the music is called “The Nutcracker Suite.” Please, please never again say “I bought a living-room suit.”

6. Regardless – Briefly, there is no such word as “irregardless.”

7. Comparable – This is a tricky one. Comparable is pronounce with the accent on the first syllable, not the second as if you were saying “compare.” To tell the truth, the second way is considered acceptable nowadays, but the first is more correct. And it sounds so much more concise.

8. Whether – When you are making a distinction between items or choices, it is incorrect to add “or not” after “whether.” I grant you, this is an obscure rule, of which most people aren’t aware. For example, “Yesterday we couldn’t decide whether to go to the movies after dinner,” is correct. “We couldn’t decide whether or not to go to the movies” is not correct. Its redundant. However, there are some instances where most people would have a hard time not saying “or not.” “I’m telling you this for your own good, whether you believe me or not.” It would be hard to end this sentence at “…whether you believe me.” Your call.

9. And – This rule is technically an arithmetic rule, not grammar, but is so commonly misused, I feel it needs to be added to this list. When speaking aloud a long number such as 1023, it is pronounced “one thousand twenty three” not “one thousand and twenty three.” Using “and” in a mathematical statement implies a decimal point. It would be correct to say “one thousand and twenty three” if you were giving change back to a customer, and there were 23 cents returned in addition to the bills. It would look like this: 1000.23.

10. At – Ok, this is my biggest pet peeve. “At” does not belong at the end of a sentence, along with all other prepositions. “Where are you at?” makes my head spin. It very nearly forces me into that murderous rage. “Where are you” is a complete thought. That is all you need. I understand that this may stem from a common misconception of the contraction of “where are” to “whe’re,” which many people may hear as “where,” so that saying “Where you?” clearly doesn’t sound right and they add the “at.” Responding is much easier. You can say in return “I am in the living room, “I am cleaning my oven,” “We are out to lunch.” “At” should only be use when the location is very specific, as in “I am at the end of aisle 4.”

You may have noticed that I didn’t even mention the commonly overused words in the title. Well, like … you know, they’ve been done to death. Many greater pundits than I have written about them. If you are one of those who overuse “like” or “you know,” you know who you are.

Well, these are some of the pet peeves that make conversing with my fellow humans such a trial. Someday, I’ll share more with you about other aspects of life, like driving or shopping. Just remember, I know more about it than you.

In sisterhood.