It's a Nice Day for a Black Wedding

Ok, here’s the thing. This is the one bit of advice that I get the most arguments about. When I make my suggestions, my friends say - in voices tinged with uncertainty - “Oh, that isn’t the rule anymore.” They try to tell me that times have changed. They try to rationalize their own mistakes and faux pas. They cleverly throw “What if’s …” back at me. To all this, I can only say: No! Guests don’t wear black to a wedding. Period!

Obviously this advice is for women only. I know, men are benefiting form the old double standard, again, but there it is. Men get to wear their good black suits. And if it’s a classy pin-stripe, all the better.

Yes, we all know that black is slimming. Everyone’s got a favorite little black dress that is sexy, flattering, swingy (the good kind, for dancing,) and cleans up well. I get that. Wear it out Friday night to the club, or on your blind date next week. It will make you feel flirty and powerful. You go girl. However, showing respect for the bride, is more important than how slim you can make yourself appear. For every woman who decides to wear the black dress because she looks so hot in it, and who’s going to care anyway, there is another person looking her over thinking “What was she thinking?” How tacky. I know, because I am that person.

Why black? There are so many options out there. You know what the fashion elite tell us every year. “Brown is the new black.” Or navy, or gray. It changes every year. Wasn’t it lemon recently? If you need to wear a solid dark color to look or feel sexier, try chocolate. Oh my! I can just see you in a chocolate, drapey dress, shakin’ it on the dance floor. Wear something that makes you unique. Be the woman that everyone talks about on the ride home, for the right reasons. “My God, did you see that woman in the ice blue dress. Wasn’t she stunning?!” My good friend Stephanie, wore this amazing red dress to a Candi’s wedding last year, and really stood out from the crowd.

Wearing black to a wedding signifies that you don’t approve. You may think no one will assume that, but once again, you’re wrong. There will be someone at that wedding wondering how much you don’t want the happy couple to be happy. Is that the message you want to send? If so, just don’t go. If, on the other hand, you love the bride and groom as friends or family, be polite. Trust me, someone will notice, and it will probably be the bride. I once attended a wedding where the mother of the groom wore a black pantsuit. Everyone was whispering, not just me.

Yes, a lovely print with black in it is fine, as long as black is not the prominent color. Yes, the bridesmaids may wear black if the that is the color chosen for them by the bride. Yes, you may use black accessories: shoes, bags, belts.

There are a few other simple wedding attire rules to note: no velvet after Memorial Day, dress for the occasion (no big flouncey hats and chiffon to a formal evening ceremony,) and no white! The only thing worse than wearing black, is wearing white. Competing with the bride is a big no-no!

So, there you have it. I know that not everyone knew these rules. Now you do. That’s what you have me for, because I know more about it than you do.