Friday, September 4, 2009

Culture of Hate

*Trigger warning - language*

There is a growing culture of hate in our country, but its not just the hate that is the problem; it’s the rage with which the hate is dispensed. By this I mean that anyone, anywhere, anytime, believes it is OK to share their opinions in a way that spews anger and condemnation all over everything within hearing.

We all know about the big-media examples of which I speak: Fox News, Ann Coulter, Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O’Reilly, Michele Bachmann. I am continuously shocked at the amount of frenzied fury behind the commentaries one sees on TV. They scream and yell and shout. They repeat lies until their viewers believe them. If anyone questions their facts or dares to disagree, they inundate the airwaves with more lies, screaming, name-calling, fact-twisting, and verbal violence. O’Reilly calling George Tiller “The Baby Killer;” Limbaugh telling his audience that he hopes Obama dies. Comparing Obama to Hitler. You know the kind of thing I mean.

When did it become OK to do this?

As one might expect, this has trickled down to the more mundane levels of society. A heated discussion of politics can be a wonderful thing. I love debating the issues, because, as you know, I know more about it. I don’t love, or even like, being screamed at for my beliefs, and more currently being “flamed” or “trolled” when visiting website forums. People see their leaders, their newscasters, their celebrities spewing this filth, and no surprise, they think its perfectly fine to do it too. Let me share some personal examples.

A couple of years ago, I was walking in the parking lot at Target. A car with an mid-aged woman was trying to maneuver down the aisle but another car with two young women was blocking the way, in the wrong direction. The older woman rolled down her window and pointed out politely “You’re going the wrong way.” The younger driver screamed back “Fuck you, you fat bitch.” Nice.

Last spring, I posted a question on a gaming forum trying to find suggestions for a new video game my husband and I could play together. The first response back was “Who the **** cares about Halo.” Other responses included: Nice arguing, idiot; That's a good way to get your ass beat; That's why no one gives a **** about … ; and so on. When I read comments such as these on the forums of any website, even forums about non-political issues, they are filled with such anger and disregard for other opinions that I am usually sickened and stop reading.

A few days ago, my 16 year old son had a friend over. The boy casually used the term “chick-flick” and I made a point of calling him on it. I tried to point out that even though he has used the term all his life, and even though he can find women who don’t object to it, that using such a dismissive word for women is hateful to all women. His defense? He said belligerently “Well, I’m a Republican.” As if that justifies any behavior. He then launched into a hailstorm of twisted logic, even going so far as to cross into other issues by proudly claiming to be a racist, saying that blacks should never have been brought to this country, that they are all stupid and violent, and Obama wasn’t even born an American. I was dumbfounded. Like Barney Frank, I felt as if I was arguing with a dining-room table.

Let me say at this point that, as you know, I am a big Obama supporter, a card-carrying liberal, and a feminist. For many years, this tendency towards hatred and vitriol has been growing in our country. Intense hatred for anything the Obama administration does or says is the latest manifestation of this. Where is this hatred and fear coming from? I’ve been trying to trace it back to it’s origins, but I find that it started so subtly, and has grown so intrinsic, that it is hard to pinpoint. I suspect it started with the Reagan administration. Prior to Reagan’s run for president, there really wasn’t much difference between the political parties. Taxes and state’s rights were the main points of contention. Reagan decided not to include the ERA on his platform and to speak stridently against the right to choose, and the freedom to bash women’s rights with impunity came into vogue. But maybe to be more accurate, it started with Nixon. Once his secret tapes were released, the public heard him railing and swearing on a daily basis. Either way, it took George W. Bush and his cronies to solidify it into stone. I suspect that this is because Bush was so stupid, that to continue to support him, Republicans needed to revert to vociferous rhetoric and slight-of-hand, in an attempt to divert people away from what he was doing and saying and onto whatever the current distraction was. If Limbaugh yells loud enough about Hillary Clinton ankles, people will look at her, and not at Bush’s erosion of Constitution Rights.

Yesterday, and this is what prompted my decision to finally write this, I was on Facebook. A friend of mine had posted a news story about a stranger slapping a crying child in a Wal-mart. To my shock, most of the comments to his post were in support of the man. One young woman even said “Like him, I'm not afraid to tell a parent to STFU their kid.” For those who don’t know, that is “Shut the fuck up.” I tried to inject some reason and calm into the discussion, whereupon she returned “…and they fully deserve to be told to STFU. It's not even a matter of ignoring them till they shut up cuz alot of them are fucking spoiled and have it thier way. The parents are just as moronic as thier own kids.” (I’ve left the grammar and spelling mistakes in place because you know how I feel about that anyway. Rhetoric has taken the place of learning.)

Some may say that if one feels passionately about something, one should be able to say it with feeling. I agree, to an extent, but civility should always prevail. However, I contend that these talking-heads are not as dedicated to their espoused ideals as you might think. I put before you this example.

Many years ago, before Rush Limbaugh had gained a great deal of popularity, and was only a new radio phenomenon, he was on the David Letterman show. He came out and was grinning like he was overawed by being there. I had heard his broadcast not long before and was waiting for him to start in on the Clintons, his usual dumping ground of the time. Dave was asking him questions and he just kept grinning and looking around, answering politely. Then, you could see in his eyes - as if a switch was thrown, and he remembered who he was supposed to be. He immediately launched into his typical tirade. I mention this to show that at that time, it was all an act. He was playing the part of “Conservative Pundit.” But before he remembered, he was just a normal minor celebrity talking to a TV host. I believe that since then, Limbaugh has come to believe his act, and has even taken on megalomaniac features because so many people believe in him and his power.

I understand that hate has always been around, and that there has always been people who like to vocalize that hate. But this intense vitriol that has become ubiquitous in our modern society is a shame and it truly sickens me. I know the phrase is trite and overused, but can’t we all just get along?

Monday, July 6, 2009

More Pet Peeves

Time for another installment of My Pet Peeves. This is where I show you your mistakes and you fix them. Who knows more about it than me, after all?

There is a growing trend in this country among our young people that makes me uneasy. I do not refer to the use of the word “gay” when they mean “stupid,” or the baggy pants syndrome. That’s a whole other blog. My complaint is with their bizarre language skills. Namely, the mixed-up use of “on purpose” and “by accident.”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard my daughter, son, or one of their friends say that something happened to them “on accident.” I have trouble even saying it out loud. It does not roll off the tongue trippingly. Why do they say it? Beats me.
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Then there’s the widespread misuse of the past tense of “hang.” Sadly, you even hear this from news media people. A picture is hung on a wall; a person is hanged. If you are referring to a person, you must use the word “hanged.” It may seem wrong at first, but it is correct, and soon it will sound wrong to hear “hung.” It doesn’t matter whether its accidental or capital punishment; a person is hanged.
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This brings me to my next point. Since “hanged” in spelled with an N, please situate it correctly on your changeable-text signs. I challenge anyone to drive through their town and not find a sign with a backwards N. Especially, here in the South. Even worse are the permanent signs with backwards Ns. Now, I’m not talking about Russian signs. I know the Cyrillic alphabet has a backwards N. Neither am I talking about people from other countries trying to make a sign in English, or the rare cases where a backwards N has special or historical meaning. I mean the people who should know better. Native English speakers (and one would assume - spellers) who should, by the time they are making signs, know what way the N is going. (I mean really. There are 4 more Ns on this sign! Not to mention, when is ePM?)
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The quote is “Music hath charms to soothe the savage breast.” Not beast. The William Congreve quote is talking about people, not animals.
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Wives can not be made to testify against their husbands. Most people misquote this law as “Wives can not testify against their husbands.” Big difference. If a woman wants to testify against her husband, she may. Of course, this dates from an antiquated, anti-feminist time when women were completely dependent on their husbands.
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Finally, one of the pet peeves that I find the most annoying is singing Happy Birthday as if it were a funeral dirge. Come on people! Its supposed to be a happy occasion. You friend or loved one is celebrating a birthday. The candle are lit. You’re anticipating a lovely piece of cake. Sing faster! Make it peppy!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Is It too Sunny in Here for You?

Something has been bothering me lately. Hand-in-hand with the general decline of manners in our society, about which I have talked before, I have noticed that there is a growing prevalence among men and boys to violate one of the fundamental properties of gentlemanly behavior.

I am not talking about opening doors for ladies – for I am perfectly capable of opening a door myself, and if I reach it before you, sir, I will hold it open for you. Neither do I mean such silly affectations as lighting my cigarette or ordering for me at a restaurant. I don’t smoke, and am way too picky about my food to allow anyone else to presume to know what I crave.

Let me state it categorically: Gentlemen do not wear hats indoors. Now, you may think that I am picking on these poor hapless men and boys. I have even had arguments with my own nephews over this issue. They offer the same tired defense as others have tried. “Times have changed,” they say. “No one cares about that stuff anymore,” they declare. “It’s ok if we wear baseball caps,” they whine, and it is here that their voices take on that certain note of uncertainty that I always hear.

How many times have I heard that ‘times have changed?’ “Not that old chestnut,” I think to myself and mentally roll my eyes. The ‘times’ do not excuse rudeness. Yes, society is evolving. It always will be, and that is good. However, that does not mean we should abandon our niceties, for they are what makes life pleasant for all. As I have said before in my posts, I assure you, people care. I care, and if I do, there are many others who do too.

I realize that gentlemen hardly ever wear dress hats anymore. Fedoras or bowlers have gone the way of morning coats and spats. What you see now are mostly baseball caps and “trucker” hats. The style of hat has no bearing on this etiquette rule. Baseball caps are not intrinsically exempt. There is nothing so unique about a ball cap that makes it suitable for indoor use. Baseball caps are made to be worn during baseball games. It is even conceivable to wear them for other sporting venues, and to shade your eyes when outside in the sun or rain. I give you enthusiastic permission to wear them backwards, sideways, or jauntily askew. I am all for individual expression in your dress and demeanor. However, when you step indoors, please remove them. I’m not asking you hold them in your hand for the duration. They are usually small and pliable enough to fold them up and put them in your pocket. Believe me, they won’t get damaged.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in a restaurant or the mall, and seen several young men wearing their hats. I’m convinced the thought of removing the hat never crosses their minds. Last week, at the doctor’s office, there were at least 4 in the waiting room – one father/son combination. Clearly the sins of the fathers are being passed on to the next oblivious generation.

We would like to see your faces when we talk to you. Besides, the longer you wear your hat, the worse your hat-hair will be. No one wants that! Who knows more about it? I do.